The Fool
by Orokid
Summary: Nagisa's thoughts during a certain time, thinking of her 'angel'.


**Orokid**_: This had, as mostly everything I've been writing lately, been started out to be a songfic to "Better That We Break" from Maroon 5's album It Won't Be Soon Before Long. Personally, I like the CD after listening to it a billion times, and I thought that it deserved a songfic of some kind to commemorate my love to it. But, of course, that didn't work, and I ended up creating this into a mere fanfic._

_Thing is: I started to remember the last episode of the anime, and I just began writing to my heart's content. So, typically, this ends up being in those last moments in the anime when Shizuma finally comes to her senses and stops thinking about how Kaori was the only one for her. Personally, I think that's BS, and I was damn excited about when she realized that she was being stupid as well. Lol._

_Anyway… Do I have more to say? Nah… Let's get on to the disclaimer, why don't we?_

**Disclaimer**___I certainly do not own _**Strawberry Panic!**_ anime/manga/etc. Even though I wish I did, I do not, and that pretty much finishes my disclaimer, huh? No owner-age, no nothing. Get it? Got it? Good._

_HOPE YOU ENJOY!!! XD_

**The Fool**

Nagisa could remember that day when the two of them had made each other's acquaintance for the first time. It felt more as though it had been a mere day ago, even hours prior to this moment, rather than the months she knew it had been, and her heart fluttered without conscience of the pain that she felt within. While it wasn't her heart's fault that she felt as she did, she still couldn't help but blame it for the throbbing the commenced in her chest each and every time those gentle and loving thoughts turned sour.

But that wasn't the point right now. She was supposed to be focusing on the past and not the present at this very moment- even if it was troublesome and hard to do.

Her memories revealed her innocence quite well, despite the fact that it seemed to be nothing short of ruined ever since she had found a place in this academy, where God watched helplessly as young women fell in love with one another. She was hurried, late for her first day of class due to the fact that she had fallen asleep late due to her poor sleep habits the bight before. Her body felt excited and exhausted all in one swoop, but she had become too excited to stop for any reason before she was to reach Astraea Academy.

Obviously, she had thought that quite too soon for she had been led by her lack of sense for directions straight into the eyesight of an angelic woman. She had wanted to excuse herself immediately, to return on her way and pretend that they hadn't actually run into one another, but her feet had refused to move- much like her eyes, which had maintained continuous sight of this strange yet wondrous angel at all times, no matter what. She felt blessed just by this mirage, and she wanted nothing more as of then than to keep this lovely woman with her at all times.

To tell the truth, it had been an odd and overwhelming emotion that had compelled such strange thoughts. Still, it didn't seem as though she had noticed them more than the beautiful woman at that moment. She had captivated Nagisa's attention so much so that she couldn't even notice the time ticking by her as she just stood there…

… already late for her first day of school.

And then, of course, there had been that kiss upon her forehead that had caused her to faint. Or… it would've been that, if she hadn't been previously tired from the events that had occurred the night before. Her knees had buckled, nonetheless, and she was more than willing to blame her perfect angel for her weakness- and she was all the more willing to openly exclaim such a thing before the entire school of Miatré.

Of course, she had made quite a fool out of herself by doing that, having little to no clue about whom she had been at the time. Her angel had made her feel foolish, but… something in those distant eyes made her forgive the woman before anger could truly reach the surface of her emotions.

After such a wonderful (yet perplexing) memory, the one where she had experienced the most pain and grief would soon become quite a part of her, damaging the goodness of it until only hurt remained.

She could remember it just as much as her first day of school, when both she and her angel had taken a black Lincoln town car to a home that resided on the property of the school. It had been for the Etoilés of course, as many things were at such an establishment, and Nagisa had wondered briefly as she had entered the home how she had been the one to share the Etoilé's things as she did. First, there had been the greenhouse, and she had unknowingly pushed her way into that. Then, there were the French lessons that she had been offered, and, while it had been her angel's duty to care for the problematic, she had felt guilty for asking for assistance. And then… there had been that.

But her mind only floated back to when the woman had grabbed onto the nightclothes she had been given to wear, and she had seen her tear-streaked face in the flash of lightning that had flashed just outside the window they stood beside. She remembered how her angel had called out for her lost lover, the one whom Nagisa felt as though she couldn't ever replace, and she had only taken off running out of fear that she would have to face the music and lose the one she held most dear to her heart. Her heart made sure to remind her constantly of the pain that had gone through her entire being when her beloved had called for her love's name- and it killed her more than anything else to hear those words in her ears each and every night when she did her best to fall into those nightmares one might call dreams.

It was never easy to get out of bed the following morning, and it seemed to be getting worse every time she tired. Her body was growing weaker from a lack of sleep, from the constant heartache she had grown into.

But she knew deep within that it was better this way, even if it hurt her more than hearing "Kaori" over and over again during that rainy night. She didn't have to be reminded of the one that she couldn't ever hope to love her in return, and her angel didn't have to be disturbed as she lived her life in the past. It wasn't right, she certainly wasn't okay, and she felt like dying more than living each time their eyes would meet, but her heart knew better than to push for something it wanted more than life itself.

But… she could admit there was a part of her that wanted to go after her whenever they would walk past each other like nothing had happened, or even as if they knew each other at all. Nagisa sometimes wanted to follow that angel and make her see that she shouldn't have to have her wings clipped just because her love had failed to continue. But, as much as she wanted to, she knew inside that it would be quite hypocritical- who was she to point a finger when she herself couldn't forget that she was in love with this goddess who loved another? She couldn't ask her to when she couldn't even forget her own feelings for this woman…

Nagisa signed, stepping forward onto the stage in front of all the students that went to all three schools, and she could see that there were all sorts rooting for both she and Tamao to become the next Etoilés. In all aspects, she had only agreed to do such a thing because her best friend had wanted to, and her student body had voted her to be most likely to win. Her friends… Her school… Everyone counted on her to wear a smile when all she wanted to do was cry- and so she did. Besides…

Who was she to disagree when the only thing in her way was a heartache that wouldn't vanish?

She waited patiently as she had been taught to, holding on to Tamao's hand as the usual anxiety took her over. It surprised her on how it hadn't actually mattered to her before then, when she wasn't taking this competition seriously and doing it for the sake of others instead of herself. But now, as she stood in the church in front of each of the students that she had gotten to know, before those that she hadn't gotten the chance to meet… Her heart pounded in anticipation.

But… something held her back from being as excited as she was afraid that she wasn't good enough for such a position as she took a glance toward her roommate. The truth was that Nagisa hadn't imagined Tamao standing beside her this entire time, even if she wouldn't admit it to anyone other than herself. She just wished that… that…

The doors slowly creaked open, and her mahogany eyes seemed to instantly spring up to meet the wonderful jewels her beloved angel could only have. She didn't care right then that others had done the same, and there once more only seemed to be the two of them when there were quite obviously more between them. When her angel had yelled her named through the echoing building, even if she knew it was wrong, her heart had sped up in tempo, and she had barely realized that she had breathed the woman's name. Step after step, their eyes remained upon one another, and she grew fearful that she was going to do something both of them would regret eventually.

But the fact that she hoped that she would, even if they would eventually regret, seemed only to cease that worry for the moment, and she waited with baited breath for what might be coming.

A sharp intake of breath filled her lungs as those words spilled from her angel's lips to God ears, and joy seemed to only want to spill from her entire being at the sound that those words she had said made.

"Nagisa! I love you!"

Fear filled her entire being as usual, and those blissful yet pain filled memories returned to her when she knew they shouldn't. Her tears… That night with the lightning storm… That time in the pool… Everything had returned, only on fast-forward, and Nagisa couldn't help but hesitate as happiness stared her in the face. She couldn't offer her beloved an answer. Not after she had promised her roommate to go through with being the Etoilé with her, and not when she had promised their school that she would stay true with her purpose.

Arms wrapped around her, and those tears that threatened to fall from her eyes seemed to stall as of that moment. Words of encouragement left her friend's lips when she knew better than to believe them, and a push in the right direction (as she would so deem it later) had sent Nagisa into the arms of the one she loved oh so dearly.

The two of them- a healed woman with a scarred heart and a younger soul with the willingness to heal it- left the cathedral without a second thought, smiling and laughing joyful the entire time. They were leaving behind that life filled with memories of tears and heartache behind them, and those memories of her past heartache seemed only to disappear…

**FIN**

**Orokid**_: I like it, cause I LOVE the last episode of this anime (since the manga hasn't been released, nor will be till September) and so I hope you did too! Please tell me your thoughts nonetheless so I know what I can fix if I ever attempt this sort of story again. Please? Please? Please? Puppy dog eyes Pwease?_

_Clicky the button below…_

_THIS!!_


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